Masterson-Kutcher-Kunis and the Friends You Keep

Years ago, I received an interesting call from a close friend that lived one state away. He had just gotten out on bail after slapping his pregnant fiancé and wanted my advice. I don't remember the conversation verbatim, but my impression was that he was very contrite and apologetic throughout. I do, however, remember my response, both internally and externally.

Externally, I was the best version of polite I could muster. I asked if he was calling me for absolution or advice. I told him he should seek therapy. I let him know that instead of apologizing to me, he should apologize to his wife if he hadn't already. I said goodbye, again, as politely as I could, and hung up.

Internally, I had a similar, but more pronounced reaction. My grandfather's voice echoed in my head: "Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres." Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are. I could not in good conscience associate any further with my friend. I would interpret any continuing interaction as a tacit approval of his behavior.

I've always adopted this as a philosophy. It has been more important to me to keep people that don't share my values away, regardless of how close we have been at any point. Being guilty by association has never been an option for me.

That is why the continued support of Danny Masterson by people in his circle is fascinating to me. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis both starred with Masterson in "That 70's Show." They crafted letters to the judge in the Masterson case supporting their friend, who was freshly convicted on two charges of rape. They complimented Masterson's character, putting together a narrative of a man who always had his friend's interest in mind. Truth be told, it was a bizarre approach, given that a person's treatment of those closest to them does nothing to erase their treatment of victims.

Why did they do it? Why did Debra Jo Rupp and Kurtwood Smith pile on their own narratives? I don't think fear of backlash is a good reason to avoid doing anything. Being branded a supporter of rape, however...

The backlash did come, and it was swift. Apologies slowly crept in. These are things we can expect. But my fascination is more with whether or not my grandfather's words ring true. Do birds of a feather genuinely flock together?

The smoke had barely died on this controversy when rumors swirled around Ashton Kutcher's implied involvement in the death of an ex-girlfriend. TikTok creators played conspiracy theorist, linking stories of phone calls to police timelines. Is the swirling of these rumors due solely to Kutcher's proximity to Masterson? Or is there more to it?

The timeline of the Ashton Kutcher/Mila Kunis relationship calls into question her age when they started. Is this resurfacing now also due to the friendship with a convicted rapist? Or is there more to it?

If I wanted to construct an argument, I don't think I have enough to say that those in Masterson's orbit have as many skeletons as he does. Their support doesn't help matters. It makes it easier to accept the rumors as truth, or even potential truth.

What lesson can we learn from this? "Believe victims" has become a drum beat mantra echoing through the #metoo movement. The contrapositive of this isn't "don't support perpetrators of violence," but it very well should be. How about "don't align your self with those that harm others?"

Did I make the right choice in disassociating with my friend years ago? He didn't commit any sexual assault. The physical assault was enough for me. Should I have stayed and supported him through it? Or was it healthier for me to disconnect, say goodbye, and move on?

What do you think? Give me your opinion in the comments below.