9 Things You’ll Definitely Get Before GTA 6 Finally Arrives

Rap Retirement That Actually Sticks

No comeback single this time. For real.

A Full Year With Zero Reboots

Original stories. Not one retread.

Kenan Finally Leaving SNL

An era ends. NBC begins stalking him immediately.

Knicks Championship

The parade that will redefine New York chaos.

A Phone Launch That Brags About Calls

Innovation is just rediscovering 1998.

A Dating App That Survives the RNC

Matches go up. Morals go down. Servers hold steady.

Algorithm That Dodges Godwin’s Law

One thread. No historical disasters.

Knight Rider Style AI

It parks itself and rescues you from awkward people.

Groceries

You buy everything on the list. Even snacks.

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Rockstar has officially moved GTA 6 to November of next year. At this point, waiting for this game feels like waiting for a stimulus check that may or may not exist. So instead of sulking, let’s focus on the fun part: the absurd, wholesome, occasionally confusing things life will absolutely hand us before GTA 6 loads a single polygon.

Here are nine of them, expanded and seasoned lightly with my usual skepticism.

A Rap Retirement That Actually Sticks

Every once in a while, an artist announces they’ve reached a new chapter. They want peace. They want growth. They want to spend more time with people who don’t ask them to “run that hook back one more time.”

Normally we all nod, smile, and wait for the comeback single that drops faster than the retirement announcement.

But soon, someone’s actually going to commit. No vague tweets. No bonus tracks. No deluxe edition that suddenly appears with seventeen extra songs. Just a clean break.

You’ll sit there in disbelief, wondering if you’re witnessing history or a glitch in the matrix. Then in a few years, Netflix will knock with the inevitable four-part documentary, and all will make sense again.

A Full Calendar Year Without a Single Reboot

Picture it. Twelve months of film and TV with no recycled childhood nostalgia. No reboots, no remakes, no origin stories about side characters who had three lines in 1987.

Studios will be terrified.
Writers will sprint through the streets like they just discovered electricity.
Audiences will ask, “Is this legal?”

You’ll have conversations with friends where you describe a movie and say, “It’s… new,” and watch them blink like you just spoke in hieroglyphics.

It’ll be a good time.

Kenan Thompson Finally Leaving SNL

One day, Kenan will walk off that stage, and it’ll feel like the shifting of tectonic plates. The man is basically part of the studio’s foundation at this point. His departure will land in the same category as TV immortals like Mariska Hargitay clocking multiple decades on SVU or Richard Belzer appearing in more Law & Order episodes than most people have eaten breakfasts.

The cast will cry.
The internet will write essays.
Lorne Michaels will pretend he’s not emotional.

Then the next morning, NBC will offer Kenan a sitcom, a voice acting role, a holiday special, and probably a competitive cooking show where he mostly makes reaction faces. Because when you’ve reached that tier, companies don’t let you leave. They just relocate you.

A Knicks Championship

When the Knicks finally win, the whole city will behave like the world just got rebooted in a better timeline. You’ll see grown men hugging strangers at crosswalks. You’ll see tears. Real tears. You’ll see a bar full of people collectively decide that work tomorrow is optional.

Friends you haven’t heard from in twenty years will text “WE BACK.”
Street vendors will sell championship gear printed five minutes ago.
Someone will definitely attempt a dunk on a parked police car.

And the celebration will last longer than the offseason.

All before GTA 6 lets you carjack your way across Florida.

A Phone Launch That Brags About Phone Calls

A major tech company will release a glossy prerecorded keynote where the presenter, reading flawlessly off a teleprompter, proudly announces a breakthrough.

They’ll say something like, “This year, we pushed the boundaries of communication by focusing on call clarity.”

You will stare at the screen and wait for the real announcement. But no. That’s it. They rediscovered phone calls.

And the funniest part is everyone watching will nod along like they just witnessed a scientific revelation.

A Dating App That Stays Live During the RNC

This one is comedy gold. Conservative political events, especially the RNC, have a long history of mysteriously overloading certain apps that the same politicians pretend don’t exist.

Every time, Grindr crashes like it saw a ghost.

One day, though, an app will survive. The servers will stay up. Matches will appear in real time. People will flirt while a speaker onstage condemns the very thing they’re doing.

Love will flourish in the unlikeliest place. It will be poetic. And the memes will be flawless.

A Social Media Algorithm That Doesn’t End in Godwin’s Law

Every platform eventually slides into the same chaos. You click a post about sandwiches and twenty comments later someone is shouting about fascism.

But sometime soon, for a brief, almost magical window, one algorithm is going to behave.

You’ll scroll through a conversation about something boring and harmless like laundry detergent or which direction the toilet paper should hang and nobody will compare anything to historical atrocities.

Two people might even resolve a disagreement like adults. A rare Pokémon-level event.

Screenshots will be mandatory.

Knight Rider Style AI

A fully functioning, personality-filled car assistant is coming, and it’s going to be way more dramatic than it needs to be.

It will self-park flawlessly.
It will respond instantly to your watch like a loyal golden retriever made of circuits.
It will show up the moment you need an escape route from an awkward situation.

Terrible date?
Old classmate who still calls you “stink foot” in public?
That one coworker who corners you at Target?
The car will pull up and save you like a stunt double in a made-for-TV movie.

Will it help humanity evolve? No.
Will it help you avoid small talk? Absolutely.

Groceries

There will come a day when you walk into a store, pick up the items on your list, and don’t have to throw half of them back like a contestant on a budget competition show.

You’ll look at your cart and think, “Yeah, I can pay for all this.”
You’ll swipe your card without praying under your breath.
You might even buy a snack just because you feel like it.

That small, beautiful moment will happen before GTA 6 releases. Maybe more than once.

Closing Thoughts

GTA 6 will arrive when it arrives. Until then, life is going to hand us music moments, awkward rescues, app drama, grocery victories, and at least one historic Knicks parade. None of it makes sense, which is exactly why it’s fun.